Past 2 days,

So these past two days have been miserable. It's been so miserable that I'm crying at the moment. One of the most meaningful people in my life gave up on me today. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore and I totally understand why. The sad part is that I really need him in my life because he was the reason why I smiled on my sad days, the reason why my tears went away. He knew me more than I knew myself, and i've known him for 6 years.

I am in tears because I led him on when I shouldn't have, and because of that, he is hurt and so am I. Because of me, our friendship is ruined, now, I don't know what to do because he is really important to me and I need him in my life. He says he thinks that he means nothing to me, but he doesn't see it. He doesn't see that as much as I didn't sometimes appreciate the fact that he was next to me but he doesn't see that because of him, I went back to my regular self. I went back to being me. I had lost myself and he found me again. Why you ask? Because he can see the real me.


Today at church, he didn't even look at my face, and my heart hurt so much when we walked right next to each other like we were complete strangers. I knew many people would leave my life, but he was the last person in my mind that would leave me or give up on me. But I guess I was wrong.. All I know is that I make mistakes that sometimes I make unintentionally or intentionally and it ends up hurting the people around me. Especially the ones that I needed the most. I guess we'll see how these months play out when the last person that wouldn't make me cry, did.